Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
