i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
