So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
