all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
