I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
