u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
