I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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