youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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