i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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