Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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