third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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