This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
