Cold hands, warm shart.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
