i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
