I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
