My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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