Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
