You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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