Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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