I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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