He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
