dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
