People in love make me want to vomit
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
