omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
