My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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