They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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