If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You dont lie about slip and slides
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
