The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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