Your mouth is God's brothel.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize