I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
