Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
