My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
