PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
