Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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