I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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