but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
