oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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