Your mouth is God's brothel.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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