is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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