girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
