Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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