i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
