i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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