so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need a beard to bite.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
