Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
