And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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