You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
