I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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