You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
