At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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