He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
