He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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