we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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