I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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