I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize