When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
