Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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