you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
