omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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