I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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