I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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