I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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