I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
