Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
