Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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