I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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